61 years ago...

61 years ago on November 20th, I was born in a little town of Safford AZ, seven weeks early because my mother, while visiting her parents, was going to have twins. Up until 2 weeks before Joan and I was born our heart beat together as one, strong and steady. My mother had become huge but thought it was going to be just a big baby, it was her third pregnancy. Dad was in California looking for work and learned of our birth over the phone, he wrote about the conversation with my mom in his journal. What a brave woman my mother was, having her third and forth kids with no hubby around. My mom was the youngest in her family so thank heavens her parents were still around to offer support and a place to go after, Joan and I was born.

Throughout my life people have asked me, "what is it like being a twin?" My answer has always been I loves it! Joan was my best friend! I saw my sister a brave, outgoing and willing to take a risk kind of person. I was more cautious, timid, and wanted to stay between the lines type. Sometime we would fight but not very often, we had the ability to just get along. Joannie pretty much tried and did everything first, walked, rode a bike, dated, got married and had babies before I did. I loved being with her. I would go through anything to see her or talk to her in person or on the phone. it was the happiest day and saddest day in my life when she got married. Her marriage took her all over the world. I didn't get to be with her when she had her first baby, but she didn't get to be with me when I got married. When we had our big families living at home and we had a short opportunity to live near each other, many of our memories were with our families being together, we would go through just about anything with our eleven children so we could be together. we shared, clothes, hand-me-downs, recipes, books we were reading, insights, comfort when days were rough.

I spend a lot of time being the third wheel with Joannie and her husband, Louis, we made some great memories together. I don't recall times when Joan got to be a third wheel, I guess it was just the way life was and it's situation. As we have moved along life's path we have had different experience and heartaches in our lives. I have become aware that our twinhood has been more difficult for Joan throughout our lives. It has been the saddest time of my life the last few years. Joan and I have drifted apart. things have been said, feeling have be hurt about things that just don't want to be talked about. You know, all our married lives have been filled with miles of being apart. My sister and I over the last 41 years have had 3 times in our live that we have lived near each other. Six year ago I moved nearby and we have never been so far apart. What I have learned? Is miles can be as far or as close depending on who is driving and sometimes you think that your more important to someone else than they think you are. All I know is that there is a hole in my heart that can't seem to be filled. It's like the hole that was left when my mother passed away. Forgiveness has been forgiven. Are things different? yes. Joannie will always be part of my soul and my eternal person. we have a connection that God only knows about. I know it will be revealed someday to both of us. May the future become a little brighter for our relationship. I love you, Joannie, Happy Birthday!